Tomorrow is the last day of my easter break, so after breaking free from my study, and my mothers judging eyes, I found facebook. I asked myself the question "what have my friends been doing while I have been captive to my CGP books?", and indulged myself in a long overdue facebook stalk. What I have discovered from this rather unproductive hour, appart from that all my friends have also been trapped in their houses working, is that no-body really says what they want to on facebook. Some posts are interesting and funny, but some give the impression that the writer is trying really hard to get approval, and come across -to me anyway-  as really constructed. Its the same with profile pictures, if you know me, then you know that i have had the same profile picture since June last year. Its just a picture taken on my birthday, with my friends, that I think I look good in. I'm not buying the whole 'really? you think its pretty? i'm not sure.." bullshitt. If you didn't like the picture, you wouldn't profile it. Anyway, the reason I haven't changed my picture since June, is because I haven't seen a picture taken of me that I like enough since then. I'm not going to stand in-front of my mirror before I go out and take a picture specifically for the purpose of being on my profile, or even worse, get dressed and put on makeup just for the picture. I have just read this back and realized that this is turning into one big long rant, which nobody will want to read so i'll end it there.

I've been thinking a lot about 'real friends'. I don't mean that any of my friends are fake, I've just been wondering who it will be that I'm still in contact with in 5 or 10 years time. I will defiantly try to keep in contact with my closest friends, but one (of my many) negative personality traits is that i never seem to dig my foundations deep. When it comes to friends in school, i'm more of a 'floater' than 'in a group', and i think that this will make it harder to keep in contact with people when we all go our separate ways. More specifically i'm worried about who will still be there when i leave for Borlase. is it just me, or do i talk about borlase too much?

I've never talked about what is really bothering me on my blog before, just the safe superficial stuff. I'm always worried that something i write will be taken the wrong way, and will upset someone or give them the wrong impression of me. But for some reason i want to now. I bought my shoes (Yes. that is the big secret. My worries too private for my blog are about shoes. I am living up to the girl stereotype) for prom a couple of days ago,and although i love shoe shopping, especially when i am not the one paying, i felt conflicted. I just kept being reminded about the fact that i don't have a prom date. Most peoples solution to that is, go with a close guy friend, but thats just it. I don't really have any guy friends. Just acquaintances and friends-of-friends. I don't understand how some girls find all this stuff so easy. I have never 'got' a guy that i fancied, and my only boyfriend was a drunken mistake i wish i could either undo or forget. I know it's a little pathetic, but in every movie, story or just in someones imagination, you have a prom date. I can just picture the couples dancing (only a few of my closest and trusted friends know and have witnessed how fatally bad my dancing is. which is another worry added to by the fact that i'm wearing a floor length dress with unpractically high heels), the date/friends talking and then me sitting with the lesbians.. no the lesbians will be dancing with each other, sitting by myself because all my friends will have dates and i won't. Its not like any guys there will be without a date, they have to have a date to get in. I feel embarrassed just thinking about it.

I acknowledge the fact that i sound depressed in this post/rant, i really am happy though. My next post will be jolly and happy and positive about the sunshine and my boat, i promise. I got just a little carried away with myself.